just keep rowing, just keep rowing...

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Just sitting around thinking when

I come to the conclusion that my fears between 2ks and races are much different.
During 2ks, I just fear the pain that’ll hit me head on a number of strokes in. I fear my name dropping rank in the erg book. I fear losing my spot in my boat. I fear the judgement that’ll come with it; its possible negative affect on my life.
During races, I just fear losing. The concept of experiencing pain doesn’t really hit me until the 1750 mark and the fires begin igniting all over me. Beyond that, I only fear disappointing the ones I’m rowing with. I fear taking a >100% stroke fearing they might do the same. I fear the look of disappointment on my coaches faces, the pity pats on the back of people who came out to support a team they thought could win it all.

I’m not exactly sure what it is exactly, but I think that says something.
2ks are to prove myself to my coach, to people around me.
Races are about proving it to myself.
And since the feeling of disappointment is a nauseating one, I try to avoid that crap.

Permalink · 12 · 1 year ago

Just finished getting through all of your messages lovelies !!

Phew!!! Bring on the next wake ! ;)

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